Today is my rest day, so tomorrow I need to again step it up, and again and again until the deadline.
I didn’t have the time in the evenings for Karate this past week (again, b/c of start-of-semester), but I’m going tomorrow and Wednesday, and I’ll feel better (always learning something new, so I miss it when I can’t go).
I have an early morning at work, so a quick run is in order.

I hope this anxiety goes away with more success in training. We’ll see… :\

I think tomorrow and all Sundays will be a day of rest…ha, but not because God told me to, just because you gotta rest some day — just picked the same day as those damn Xians.

I still feel great (not that I’m ready to run this thing, but progress, progress, progress).

All the same, I’m stoked. I kept up the running, really fast jogging (I need to work my way up in speed), a lot better this morning. I’ll call that progress.
I didn’t stop ’til the end, and this is good.

Tomorrow, I have my Kempo belt test. That will be a 2 or 3 hour workout, and tomorrow will be a day I don’t run. I’ll stretch, get limber, do my test, and maybe tomorrow night I can treat myself to good food and drink.

Probably recoup on Sunday, and the real hell of running starts Monday.
Actually, I’ve been taking it easy so far (regardless of my complaints). It’s hard to do a round house kick when you can’t lift you leg. :\
But, it’s good to keep pushing and that’s what this is all about!

Push it.

This morning, I ran again, still pathetic to me, but I did a little better. I’m way sore.
I’ll run again in the morning, but I’ll need to stretch for at least 15 or 20 minutes before heading out.
I’m having a hard time walking up and down stairs.

Crazy to think about that, but I know this is how picking up running again goes.

Overall, I still feel fucking great!

Only thing, I feel asleep on the couch this evening, and now I’m having an issue going to sleep for real. I guess sleep adds up, so if I napped for 2 hours, I should be OK to stay up until midnight.
We’ll see how that feels at 5:30 tomorrow. :\

Today, I started my training.
I don’t guess I’m in bad shape to begin with, but I’m in no condition to do this thing yet. If I had to do it today, I’d fail — no doubt.

I’m slated to do it November 20th, so I have a little over 3 months to get ready.
I’ll be keeping this journal daily. It’ll be good for my motivation and maybe it’ll be good for others. Doing this thing with my good buddy Kevin. He’s a marathon runner (so, I think he’s ahead of me in preparedness), but neither one of us really knows how to train for this thing yet. Kev will have no issues with running, and I will definitely have issues with it.

The plan is to get in good running shape within a month, then increase the distance and speed.
I’ve been doing Kempo all summer, so at least I have that — increased upper body strength and stamina and flexibility.
Again, it’s not enough.

So, I suffered through a 2 mile run this morning. Had to stop and walk 3 times, but I was able to sprint at the end. I don’t know, I was hoping for more, but it’s a starting point and not all that bad for the first day.

The Plan:
5:30 AM – run 2 miles (in a week, double that, in 2 weeks double that again for a total of 8 miles, the course is 7 miles)
Monday, Wednesday and Saturday evenings – Kempo

The plan is incomplete. I need to figure out more stuff to push myself. Again, it’s just day 1.
In the subsequent days, I hope to figure this out…
Any help is appreciated.

Overall, I feel fucking great!
And, in the end, this is the real plan, to change my life for the better and meet a personal challenge head-on.

I’ll leave it with a quote (currently my facebook status):

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even
though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor
spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they
live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

Not so much real change, as just a new beginning. This seems like change to us.
I’m happy about many things going on right now in my life. I want more. Not a little more, I want a lot more. Oh yeah, and I want it now.

Oh, I’m totally not talking about Obamachange, let’s call it O change. No to O, that’s just a ploy here and there to subvert what some say for the benefit of others. 2 horses, 1 master is what they say, and I do too.

Oh x 2, I don’t want to give anyone the impression I care for conservatism. Perhaps, I have radical departures from progressive thought, but I’m more that in the end. I’ve voted democrat and libertarian, never republican. I usually don’t even speak about my voting record. I think this is so because of the years I declined to vote. My explanations of why I choose not to vote seemed hollow — mostly it was simply I had a choice (if it’s a binary system there’s actually 3 states if you include NULL).

Ok, ’nuff asides…or maybe one more…

I’ve been considering my hateful attitude on this site even and I don’t like it. I need to be more explicative on this site and will try my best. I tend towards fragmentism and abstract. I’m also confused a lot of the time, because I like to explore new areas (and out of bound areas) of thought, hence there’s bound to be misunderstanding before enlightenment.

Ok, so…Karate

I have a strange angst for going to karate. I’ll break it down.

• It’s an hour long drive most days
• I have this thing about “after 5″ — I want it to be my time — all the classes are after 5
• I’m a quitter of many things
• so, I’m also a starter of many things
• I want this to be a life-long path
• I feel like it’s a life-long path already, immediately
• Martial study makes me happy, and I do several others disciplines as a way of life
• so, why am I going only once a week?
• maybe once is fine for now and I shouldn’t fret
• I do have some anxiety about going, even that one day
• What’s that about?
• Fear of change, because I actually believe in this and know I should!!?

That’s the breakdown.
It’s too bad I don’t take comments anymore (fuck you spammer scum).

anyways, I answer my own question, don’t I?
yes, you do (tending towards pedantic here).

So all in all, I have no problem except fear of change. I need to change without fear. What is fear? For me, as a concept, it’s always been about death.
Always…
Why fear anything else? So in Kenjutsu we actually study the daily routine of thinking about our death, really thinking through death and shedding the fear that accompanies it.
I’ve done this for years and in a way I feel content in my death. I mean, hopefully I have some time. So, maybe I’m afraid of that hope? time itself? One day I’m going to think myself right out of this body and head off in some direction of no return.
I’m thrilled by the notion!

Maybe I’m too thrilled in the most thrilling or terrifying (perhaps the same) thing?
Does thrill = terror, minus polarity?

Far too many questions.
I just want to feel good about going to Karate once a week, because I want to attend to it for the rest of the years of my life (perhaps in a different discipline, but just the same).

So, a few answers.
I’ll rest on those last thoughts, before I pick up a new thread of questioning-pedantic-bitching&moaning.

M

Well you know, I don’t blame you baby
I’d be the same way if I could

She’s a mean mistreater
And the girl mistreats me all the time
She’s a mean mistreater
And the little girl mistreats me all the time

Well you know, you just wants to quit me darlin’
Because you got that on your mind

Well, you remember that Monday mornin’
That I knocked up, up on your door
You had the nerve to tell me that you didn’t love
Me no more

Can’t you remember baby
When I knocked up on your door?
Well you know, you had the nerve to tell me that you
That you didn’t love me no more

Well you know, it’s lonesome, you know, it’s lonesome
When you sleepin’ all by yourself
The little girl that you lovin’
She lovin’ someone else

And it’s lonesome sleepin’ by yourself
Well you know
The little woman that you in love with now
She is loving someone else

Your lack of backbone disgusts me. You would have long since ceased to be in any ancient world, but in our world, our weak world, you even thrive.

I want to reset the world clock, but there’s no going back — well, not until we become gods in our own right and rewrite the world, past and present.

In the meantime, I will seethe with anger and probably run away. The world is sad, I conclude.

Rinzai asked the temple steward,
“Where have you come from?”
The temple steward said,
“From selling brown rice in the province.”
Rinzai said,
“Did you sell all of it?”
The manager said,
“Yes, I sold all of it.”
Rinzai drew a line with his staff and said,
“Have you sold all of this too?”
The manager shouted,
“Kaatz!”
Rinzai immediately struck him. Later, the cook monk [1] came to Rinzai, who
told him about this incident. The monk said,
“The steward didn’t understand Your Reverence’s intention.”
Rinzai said,
“How about you?”
The monk made a deep bow. Rinzai struck him likewise.

[1]: I.e. “tenzo”, a monk who prepares meals.